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Ancient Small Person Village found in New Hampshire Under Rock

Today a team of scientists unearthed an entire village under a rock in New Hampshire.  Scientists where surprised to find out that people where still living in the village.

One villager, Tom Ratherdy, who stood 2cm tall, was very displeased at the discovery of his village, and spat in the eye of the reporter who asked the question.

Scientist had planned to move the entire village back to a laboratory setting to study it further, but then where attacked by small projectiles containing some kind of acid material.   No scientists were hurt in the attack but several pairs of khaki Dockers were injured. 

After the attack, scientist decided to return the rock to its resting place and leave the village alone.

In a bizarre twist, the reporter that was spat on decided to exact revenge and “gassed” the village after a lengthy lunch at Taco Bell.  No fatalities were reported, but villagers did complain of eye and throat irritation. 

Weapons Found In Iraq!

Sources inside the US military report finding a large underground factory in Iraqi Desert. CIA officials investigating the shipping records discovered large quantities already delivered to the US. The devices contain chemicals that target fat rolls and make them bigger. Officials found the code name for these devices: T.W.I.N.K.I.E CIA spokes person Gloria Bitterstein said Twinkies where used to make Americans fat. She continued to say, "I'm afraid to announce that their plan was a success, we're too late." Americans faced with another devastating attack. What will we do now?



No available funds for killer asteroid search

Nasa told congress today that funding wasn’t available for finding all the potentially deadly asteroids that could hit Earth.

Nasa needed an estimated 1 billion in additional funds to complete the project.  Congress cited funding “current” threats as the reason for not funding the project.

Nasa did present an alternative to the more costly measure.  The alternative involved only one mission to the moon, costing only 100 million dollars.

Congress approved this mission, fearing voter back lash.

Nasa has planned the new mission for November 2006, where a large Do Not Disturb sign will be hung on the moon to deter incoming asteroids.

Do Not Disturb

Ford unveils luxury no-fuel cruiser

Today Ford announced, "We're taking back fuel economy." As Ford stock broke the $10.00 mark, the unveiling of their new car could boost Ford above some of its overseas competitors.

The new design incorporates stainless steal frame construction, and smaller wheels to limit rubber waste in land fills. It also revolutionizes the way the driver interacts with the vehicle.

"This design will be around for a long time to come," said Auto World Spokesmen Kim Stevenson.

Sources inside Ford say the company expects everyone in America to own one.

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